Things a Bleach Character wouldn't say

[SpiritOnParole]

Here is a list I came up with. I do not doubt I'll think of more. Add your own here.

Ichigo: You guys think my hair could use more highlights?

Rukia: Your right Ichigo, I bow to your superior wisdom!

Matsumoto: I really need to invest in more turtle necks now that winter is coming.

Ikkaku: More saki you say? No thanks I think I am way over my limit.

Zaraki: HEY Yumichika... get in here and help me put the bells in my hair!

Kira Izuru: OK guys... I'll take the lead, everyone stay behind me.

Toushirou: It's about my bedtime... anyone seen my teddy bear?

Renji: Yeah... I just know I'm gonna regret putting that tat there someday.

Iba: (See Ikkaku above)

Kon: I totally respect you for you're mind!

Chad: (Pretty much anything that involved more than 5 consecutive words)

Mayuri: No seriously.. it doesn't hurt at all!

Keigo : Come on you guys… you know I’m the most grounded practical person here.

Orihime: You know you guys won’t make it without me.

Karin Kurosaki: Maybe something in pink? With lots of lace?

Urahara: I agree. it’s time to ditch this ratty old hat. (Alternatively) Are you kidding?! Yoruichi is a total hag!

Ururu: Jinta… you are SO dead now!

Ulquiorra: You know that overwhelming urge you can get to just laugh so hard your side aches and milk squirts out your nose? Yeah… well I feel a moment like that coming on.

Yamamoto: You know.. I feel like going club hopping.

Gin: Why do they always snap the pic when I’m in the middle of blinking?

Byakuya: I don’t get it… what do you mean by pink isn’t my color?

Shunsui: I think your right…there are way to many women at this bar.

Toushirou: I don’t know what you mean… I think Matsumoto’s outfit is fine. (Alternatively) Of course you can call me Shiro.

Anyone in the 11th Division: Darn it.. I hate when I get blood on this thing!

Now come on... think of you Bleach Character and think of something you just can't see them saying.  It's fun! Really!

[Deevious Demon *Goddess*]

Rukia: Why the hell am I so small!!!

Ichigo: I am sooooooooooo in love with you Hime-chan....let's get Jiggy with it O.o!!!

Orihime: Hmm I think I'ma go for breast reduction surgery....

Toshiro: Okay..where is the child safety seat again....damn it....

Matsumoto: My chain got lost between my boobs O.o

Byakuya: Do you think the rose petals make me look too much in touch with my female side?!

Yamamoto: Rub my Bunions....EURGH!!!!

Renji: I go to specsaver!!!!

Zaraki: I need to get my Teeth Bleached....rofl....

Yoruichi: Woof!!!!

Grimmjow: Who the hell took my tooth whitening gel!!!!

Madarame: I polish my head twice a day with Johnsons Baby oil!!

[Dood]

Ichigo: Inoue I love you

Inoue: I hate you ichigo

Rukia: I know im tall with big fluffy mountains lol

Matsumoto: Kon want to touch?

Kenpachi: I hate fighting!

Byakuuya: *goes berserk* IM GOING TO KILL YOU YOU BASTARD!

Hitsugaya: Ichigo..start calling me by my first name

Yamamoto: I think soi fon is hott

Renji: Ichigo..want to have a tea party?

Chad: O mcdonald had a farm e i e i o

Aizen: My plans were ruined!

Ikakku: Yeah my bald shiny head can light up a city

Urahara: I love being serious.

Yorichi: Ichigo..bring me my cloths

Kon: I hate big mountains I prefer ant hills

Rin Rin: Kon want to go on a date?

Cloud: I hate talking too much

Nova: If i warp myself into a dimension maybe I can go into the girls lockerroom hmm..

Ishida: Silly shinigami quincy are for kids

[SpiritOnParole]

  Sweet guys!! Good ones!

Another grouping:

Byakuya: You have to understand.. with Kurosaki it’s a case of finesse and skill. Not brute strength and luck. We should all be so good.

Yachiru: I don’t care what Kenny wants… my cartoon is on!!!

Rukia: Hey hey… time out! I think I broke a nail!

Aizen: You know… being the leader and having to make all these decisions is nowhere near as fun as I thought it would be.

Zaraki~ I kid you not! Three hours at the salon it took and all they had to read was Vogue. Would a copy of Better homes and gardens have killed em.

Renji~ There is no way in hell I’m getting another tattoo. I’ve bent to peer pressure enough already. 

Yoruichi~ You’d never know it by just looking… but I really am more of a dog person.

Unohana~ If I have to listen to one more whiny sick or injured person… someone is getting kicked in the face.

Mayuri~ OK… I’m having a real guilt ridden crisis of the highest moral degree over my treatment of Nemu

Iba~ Honestly I’d take the shades off… but then Komamura will know I’m smashed!

Uryuu~ You know… I really wish I was more like my dad.

Ichigo to Kon~ You know I’ve got nothing but respect for all you’ve been through.

Kon to Ichigo ~ You know I’ve got nothing but respect for all you’re going through.

Hiyori~ I really do see myself as a people person.

Sasakibe Choujirou~ *Anything but his Shikai release "Pierce” *

Izuru ~ I’m ok… I’m just a little high strung not nervous

[L]

Mines are usually just a dialogue... not heaps of them like that

Hitsugaya (H): MATSUMOTO!?
*matsumoto rushes in* Yessir?
H: Your a little eager today...
M: I am?
H: Nevermind, just help me find that game cartridge i lost
M: Uhh....
H: Eh? something wrong?
M: Uuhh.. no sir (is holding the game behind her back broken)
*gin walks in*
G: Hey can i borrow that game for a sec?
H: WTF?
M: " uhh...

Little dialogue between Rukia and Ichigo
I:HOLY CRAP!!!
*rukia rushes in*
R: WHAT?! Is it a hollow?
*ichigo points at a hollow cockroach*
I: kinda...
R: O_o thats it? Squish it...
I: I tried...
R: Then why'd you scream?
I: Cos... it splattered all over my hand...
R: THATS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!
I: yes, but another one popped up...
*rukia turns shinigami*
R: HAKUREN!!!!!!!!!!!!
I: WTF ARE YOU DOING?!!!!
*the whole room freezes, Kon's frozen in the corner*
K: Why me....?

[UrbanWolf]

Ikakku:I don't think I can win this fight... I think i'll run away
Soi Fon: I find Weak people very sexy
Yamamoto: When I was just a little girl I asked my mother what will I be....
Ulquiorra: I'm that sex crazed nurce you always hear about
Ikakku: (again) I don't mind leaving my sword behind
Kon: It's raining Man, Helliljuya(hows that spelled)
Ichigo: Rukia your such an amazing Artist

[L]

I encourage dialogues, it proves more skill, and are infinitely funnier 

[UrbanWolf]

I'll try

Tousen: Grimjaw I have learned so much from you, justice is  not important only personal streaght
Grimjaw: Well I'm glad we could come to an understaning
Tousen: yeah.... have you seen my pants honey?

I adde honey to make it more oblivious as to what i was trying to implay

[L]

Thats just random... XD but Tousen'd never say that anyways 

[bleachell]

Ichigo - man my hair looks stupid maybe i should change it

[Mastaz911]

I'm a bit lazy, so here's a list that's a bit shorter:

Ichigo - I love hollows

Orihime - I am capable of ______ (anything)

Kon - Ban...Kai

Grimmjow - I love Aizen

[Alpha_522]

Ichigo - I eat taco
Kon - I look at Lego Megazinez

[Silverhandorder]

Mayuri : Nemu come give daddy a hug.

Kenpachi: Team A on me, Team B secure the perimeter, Team C advance recon!

Soifon: Come here Silver you sexy beast you. (I wish )

[Dood]

Mayuri-Im tired of researching..i quit!

Nell: Iytsigo be mine forever

Yumichika(The guy who keeps saying beautiful): Im ugly and im proud of it!

Ganju: Sis im tired of fireworks lets get real explosives!

Shiba: Ganju.....*give hug* lol

[bleachell]

Mayuri-Im tired of researching..i quit!

Nell: Iytsigo be mine forever

Yumichika(The guy who keeps saying beautiful): Im ugly and im proud of it!

Ganju: Sis im tired of fireworks lets get real explosives!

Shiba: Ganju.....*give hug* lol

i bet nell would say something like that cause how she reacted with first seeing rukia and in the manga